Scientists, We Need Your Swords! writes John Bohannon and calls for a “Conference” in World of Warcraft on May 9-11, called “Convergence of the Real and the Virtual“. Organized is this event by a William Sims Bainbridge. And this here cow isn’t quite as overjoyed as someone might assume, even though we’re Horde, we’re academics, and we’re on Earthen Ring (US) where this event will take place.

First, dear John, I will be a massive killjoy and explain something massively basic to you - any “scientific excursion” should be led by someone with, at least, a basic understanding of the terrain he or she excurses into. You exhibit all the signs of someone who is - at best - innocently unfamiliar, at worst, unscientifically indifferent to the world you pertain to be taking this excursion into.

How do I know? Well, for starters, let’s look at your … gasp[1] …  Level 20 Hunter “Gonzorina”. You see, Earthen Ring is a so-called RP server, a place people converge to Roleplay. Your excursion, the setup, its premise, its participants, even your character’s name are essentially contrary to the RP element of the server and, in the case of your guild and character name, violate Blizzard’s RP policy. I am sure HST takes a massive left spin in his grave over your naming yourself a “Gonzo” something, but unlike him Blizzard can act. In fact, me being a massive Killjoy Cow, I’ll make sure to log on and report your name and guild name as well as names like “Mynameisman” right then, and there, for said violations. Or Mr. Bainbridge’s character names, Sciencemag, Computabull, and Price. I bow before your understanding of RP and WoW-RP in particular. I am massively interested to hear all I can about this “convergence” of your “Computabull” Level 30 Elemental-specced Tauren Shaman. Or your Level 20 Hunter, another fine example of your understanding of the environment and theorycraft behind it.

Let’s be clear on this… I am no rabid RPer. I usually don’t get my virtual panties into painful wads over naming convention breaches. But I do, call it a weakness, get annoyed at “scientific” excursions exhibiting massive, even dangerous, flaws like yours. This alone could - and should - call your understanding of the Virtual Ecosystem you claim to be familiar enough to lead through, into question, but it gets better.

One of my absolute favorites in your sessions is the “Anti-capitalist, pro-environmental values in the picture of a priest fighting a deforestation machine.” The priest shown is a Blood Elf, who - according to lore - couldn’t give less of a flying gnome about “anti-capitalism” or “pro-environmentalism”. Oh, you don’t care about lore? Get your pixelated behinds off that RP server, pronto.

Another one is almost as funny - your “undisclosed Alliance location”  which you will attack (iow, grief) after the “sessions” are concluded. I just hope you have a good RP backgrounder for this one, because it’ll be hell to explain why a bunch of Level 5s got two-shot by the spawned guards in Sentinel Hill (yes, it’s kind of dumb to discuss the “undisclosed” location on the same page…). Crushing blows are teh suxz0rz.

In short, this “conference” is ill-conceived. Not something I’d have expected from someone with a nsf.gov email address, and definitely not something that will yield any true scientific results. “It appears,” to quote a guildmate of mine, “to be a boneheaded attempt at starting a guild.” Is it? I don’t know, but Mr. Bainbridge and Mr. Bohannon don’t particularly exhibit an understanding of the very Virtual Ecosystem they’re taking their conference into.

[1] Level 20 can be, easily, reached within 5 hours /played. Anyone claiming to know anything about any ecosysstem after spending five hours in it (and having been exposed to less than ten percent of its extent) needs a serious scientific attitude re-adjustment.

The following links aren’t exclusively Warcraft or Azeroth-specific, but they are of interest to anyone who plays games or MMOs.

First: Griefer, a story by a fellow Metblogger (in Atlanta) Will Hindmarch that extrapolates the concept of griefing into a real-world, near-future(?). Well worth your time.

Second: Another link to The Escapist, this time on the topic of how or why “regular” folks view gaming: The Myth of the Media Myth.

Third: Winner of the “best comment” award on MetaFilter for this tongue-in-cheek “review” of the MMO “Outside”.

The respawn rate of objects and players is ridiculously slow. A dead player can expect to wait for years to respawn, and will be set back to zero assets and a tiny, nearly helpless form. Death is hardcore, and resurrection all but impossible. Outside is not a game for the QQers out there!

Happy Wednesday!

No April fool’s gag. All realms, except a for handful are down right now. My alts on Kul Tiras are up, albeit sluggish[1], Daggerspine and Gnomeregan are down. I called Blizzard on behalf of metblogs and got a “no comment” statement. The friendly PR person on the other side of the phone, however, was nice enough to ensure me, that these downtimes are not related to the extended outages in March 2005 and April 2006 as well as April 2007, which happened, curiosly enough, after a content patches not unlike this one.

[1] The sluggishness and login queues are almost certainly a result of massive waves of level one alt re-rolls invading realms that are currently online. One has to wonder just how addicted a player has to be to taper off to a realm he or she will most certainly never visit again to roll a level one alt.

BlizzBlues got you down? Dreading the login before another farming run on SSC, Mt. Hiyal, or Black Temple? Stuck in Karazhan and no idea why it seems so hard to get 24 of your best friends (to quote Brutalus) to come to Vashj? Seems I am not the only one feeling the BlizzBlues when I am on my main. Sure, there’s Sunwell and with 25 daily quests at hand I could go back and wrangle some more Aether Rays or fly in circles looking for Nethercite. But, all in all, it’s been done zillions of times before, between three alts and a main close to a thousand times, I reckon.

Not quite ready to give up fully, I first got it into my head to get Conqueror on a character rolled after the Burning Crusade came out. Which, given there’s no AB and WSG rep for tokens anymore, amounts to an average 8,000 Warson Gulch games. Even at twelve a day, which is unlikely given the wait times in my Battlegroup, that’s 666 days (and the number is fascinatingly fitting).

So I decided to try my hand at speedrunning. Hunter to 70 in four days six minutes /played, Warlock in four days, nine hours, twelve minutes, Shaman in about ten (it’s what passes for “balance” these days). Three speed runners later and I am sick of that stuff, too … and have barely passed the fourth week into the BlizzBlues.

Enter Achim, my trusty sidekick, former HWL grinding partner, crazy Ice Cream parlor owner, and avid reader of bad 60s tuppence romance novels. Under his guidance and continued pushing we assembled the team (”we’re getting the band back together,” he proclaims on Vent and is seriously miffed that only half of those in attendance get the reference), and re-rolled.

Building a new guild, a new social structure, a new way of thinking and leveling, while setting new goals and thinking about progression in terms of experience, not bosses, prove to be a daunting task. But somehow we did it. We formed and leveled an Alliance guild on a server none of us had ever played on. We suffered, again, through the indignities of low level pugging in Deathmines, Scarlet Monastery, and Stockades. We filled our guild pool with gold extracted from those of us who accidentally clicked Horde Flight Masters and got two-shot by those enraged wyvverns we formerly rode into the sunset of Tanaris, and we experienced, for the first time in years, Wailing Caverns as a challenging instance (In 2005 WC put the L into L2P, to quote Eyonix). At 60 we entered Molten Core, we slew bosses and trash in Zul’Gurub, we wiped on Nefarian and the trash before the Four Horsemen. The game was fun again.

Thusly invigorated, actually looking forward to log into the game and play for an hour or two, we decided to mash it up once more. This time we’d take everything we’d learned from leveling Alliance and make a Horde guild. There was some apprehension at first, not the least in yours truly. My Horde characters and the new Alliance toons had grown familiar and become attached. That epic flight form was hard work, so was the Paladin’s Cenarion Gryphon. But, in the end, we all agreed - nothing would be lost and much could be gained.

Beating the BlizzBlues takes a few simple rules. Here they are, in case you’re interested in trying our adventure for yourself. And if, for some reason, you feel like trying it with us - we just started and will wait up for you (see Rule #1), join us in our next adventure.

1. Create “stop points”. We suspended leveling at all “nines” (19,29,39,49, and 59), waiting up for those who came a little behind. PvP and tradeskill leveling are good things to do during those breaks. Thanks to the 2.3 leveling speed changes this was never more than two days or less, but it helped us to stay together and experience content as a community, not as individuals.
2. Re-focus on what’s important in the game. Getting to 70 as fast as possible and farming Illidan might be some people’s idea of the games’ only true purpose, but alas taking a handful lowbies at the lower end of the level requirements into Wailing Caverns or Blackrock Depths can be more exciting and rewarding than farming Lootreaver for weeks.
3. Observe the story.Your first character might have been a little bit too occupied with getting the hang of the game while subsequent ones tried to level quickly to catch up to the guild. Stop every once in a while to actually take in the story, it’s what you pay your monthly fee for, might as well enjoy it. Do the long but fun chains such as the Tirion Fordring chain, they’re worth it in terms of entertainment.
4. Play the polar opposite of your current main. I went from a Druid tank to a caster class (my formative roots).
5. Play without compromise with people you totally, completely, and absolutely, trust, respect, and call “friend”. If this means waiting another two weeks to enter Karazhan instead of recruiting someone whose attitude is just “OK” but who could tank/heal/DPS today, wait the two weeks.
6. Don’t make the re-roll your new job. You have a main somewhere else, play it. Take time off from the game, as well. As long as everyone in the team observes this simple rule no one will be stuck too far behind.

The best place to find re-roll guilds is in your current circle of friends. Chances are, some are as burned out as you are and can trade the (understandeable) attachment to their mains for a few hours of refreshingly fun adventures a week on an alt. Or that guy/gal you became best friend with, in game, when both of you were already 70? Wouldn’t it be fun to level with him or her from scratch?

I know I will enjoy our next foray into pre-TBC leveling and playing with a new and old set of friends I never had a chance to level or play with. This time the goal is lofty - Kara cleared by May, but we’re confident we can do it. After all, time and levels fly if you’re having fun.

What about you? Got any prescriptions for the BlizzBlues for those of us who still want to spend time playing?

Good to be back and writing. To set things off on the right foot, I figured I might as well shoot straight for the big one and bring you my ultimate list of Top Six Guild Names We Could Live Without. So, without further ado I bring you… the LIST:

6. “Cliche of Place” guilds. “Defenders of Azeroth”, “Knights of Stormwind”, “Killers of Hearthglen”. “Heroes of the Horde” are chewed out, cliched, and as unique as Ford F-150s in Dallas, TX. Your guild name should stand for something, not just your inability to think of a good one.

5. Ümløût åbüße - if you can’t spell it without putting accent characters all over the place there’s three reasons. Either the original name is barred from being used, someone else already grabbed it, or you’re just in love with bad 1980’s Amiga BBS jargon. Accent characters stopped being hip when Mötley Crüe sold their second album.

4. Fad names. “Two Draenei one Cup” was funny for a week.  “QQ Pew Pew” for two. Ain’t no more.

3. The “Daddy took me to the movies” guild name. “Spartans” was a good name before 300 was released. “Browncoats” still is, because only insiders get it. It ends there. “House Hufflepuff” is as unlikely to attract players with anything but a two-hour playtime allowance on weekends, after chores and homework, as “Fellowship of the Ring” is.

2. The “what’s so bad about it?” name. “Sapped girls can’t say no”, “Come in the Van”, “Naga stole my bike”, “Your mom is a Horde” are - at best - immature jokes that stopped being funny about a second after they’ve been uttered the first time. Should you find yourself still finding them funny I recommend a deep and long soul searching.

and, finally,

1. Any guild named Drama, Nihilum, Death and Taxes, Aftermath, Premonition, Death Wish or any of the other so-called “bleeding edge” guilds, unless you’re the original. Naming your guild after one of those not only shows a lack of actual creativity, it’s the WoW equivalent of a slightly pudgy teenager wearing a Chicago Bulls 23 shirt and thinking anyone will mistake him for (or think him capable of playing like) Michael Jordan.

So much for guilds. Next time we’ll talk about the top character names that should get their owner kicked in the bee-hind.

Life (which is questionable) imitating Art (well, a video podcast, anyhow).

Me? I play mostly late at night so the only person I’m neglecting is my wife (who’s usually on the PC next to me, though not playing WoW) and not my kids.

Parents, how do you handle your gameplaying and, if they’re old enough, do your kids play too?

Seems the Blizzard developers don’t want you to have too much gold. You can only amass wealth of 2^31 copper pieces or 214,748 gold, 36 silver, 48 copper.

Sorry guys.

Anyone close to the limit? Ever?

[Via BoingBoing]

The miners among you will appreciate this WoW-themed Christmas tree ornament from Paul Pape designs. Make sure not to miss the fully rotating 306º view. I like it, but there’s nothing necessarily Christmas-y about it. I’d almost rather have it just to set on my desk.

via Wonderland

This most recent Sunday, the Horde hung up their swordbelts and put away their arcane tomes for one night to come together and celebrate the welcome home they have found on Azeroth. The All Hallow’s Eve festival and the burning of the Wicker Man signify that it is the end of harvest season and time for the Harvest Ball. It’s a time for merriment, for alcohol, for gorging on the best of the new crop. A time for old friends to meet once again and for rivals to put away their grudges.

For one night the war is forgotten, and the Horde can act like civilized people. We can celebrate our victories, and mourn our very many losses.

I attended with Whitman, and the students and faculty of Silvermoon University. There was storytelling, drunkeness, a scavenger hunt, and a play performed by the drama club that was a satire of the rise and fall of Sylvanas Windrunner. It was, of course, a comedy.

At one point, an Infernal crashed the Ball.

And here is Faelan, organizer of the ball, on the main stage in Silvermoon city.

With Silvermoon University, but not dressed for the event.

It was often hard to keep track of the conversations flying about.

>

The elf masks are very creepy.

The trees have started changing color and their leaves have begun dropping to earth. A chill wind blows in the evenings. The farmers in Westfall and Arathi are finishing up their harvest seasons, whcih must mean tt’s time for Halloween in Azeroth again.

(The always excellent WoW Insider has a great round-up of the quests, but what is it actually like? To me, that is what MetBlogs is about: what is it really like to be there?)

During this holiday season the Horde cities are full of adventurers running around with pumpkins on their heads trying to sell brooms. Wisps and bats, pirates and ninjas run past on all sides. The zeppelin looks like a menagerie of terror. Blind party invites are flying, and if you accept you could find yourself turned into any sort of monstrosity. Pumpkins dot the doorsteps of every house, and huge barrels of apples lay prepped for bobbing.

Outside Undercity stands an enormous Wicker Man–no word on if uptight policemen fill his belly–and surrounding the Wicker Man are dozens of heavily armed sellswords waiting for Alliance scum to ride by. The ground is sticky with blood.

The Headless Horsemen shouts and rides across the sky, burning the towns of Brill, Razor Hill and Farstrider Square. Helpful adventurers carrying buckets run around dousing every flame as soon as possibe. The level of civic involvement would bring a tear to my eye if only they weren’t being paid so well to do it.

The Scarlet Monastery has become an abbattoir. A palace of bone and ash and corpse. You cannot see the flagstones for all the skeletons of dead Alliance. This is as it should be. But Alliance should be wary and be prepared. My guild–the Holy Hammer–spent all evening conjuring up the Horseman and slaughtering him over and over, making him pay for burning our innocent hamlets.

I have not yet made the trip to South Shore to play my pranks, but I expect it will be not unlike running headfirst into a meat-grinder over and over again.

Role-playing is difficult in Azeroth. All around you’re surrounded by players actively not RPing. The chat channels are packed with Chuck Norris jokes, leet speak, epithets. Without a strong guild, roleplay is nigh impossible to find. And most guilds are focused more on raiding and endgame progressions than anything else.

That’s why when you do actually find a guild that is into RP you make note of them. And when you find a guild that does it with as much style and humor and intelligence as Silvermoon University on Twisting Nether does, well that’s when you submit an application.

Silvermoon University is a Horde-side roleplaying guild that takes on the role of an actual university. New members are termed Freshmen, while the guild leadership are faculty. They have field trips to Alliance territory or into instances. Members of the drama department write actual plays, and then perform them complete with costumes and extras.

The website though is what entirely sold me on the guild. The flawless presentation. The conceit of the University being carried through so far as to have a yearbook with quotes and trivia featuring the guildmembers. It’s pretty much perfect.

At last! Something to blog about in WoW! While <Conviction> has been keeping me busy killing Gruul & Mag and working on SSC and The Eye, I’ve felt that I was missing something in my WoW playing. I needed more cowbell Whimsy. Brewfest has brought me just that, I suspect All Hallows will do the same. Dammit, I want my cool non-combat pumpkin-headed lasher! But yeah, I am proud to say I gathered up the 600 tickets necessary to make it all happen. Check out me on my sheep! Suck it, Alliance!

Not sure if this is actually running anywhere, but this TV spot for the Toyota Tacoma created by Saatchi is surprisingly funny.

And disappointing. Here’s to hoping the next event sucks less.

Many players are unable to acquire the quests, especially “Pink Elekks On Parade.” While many other players are unable to repel the Dark Iron Dwarf attack. Sigh. Blizzard, why must you always break my orcish heart?

I completed the Wolpertinger quest and have a new ass-ugly pet, and completed the run into BRD for the off-hand stein of unlimited booze. Nice. Wish I had one of those for reals. But I’m finding the lag crushingly bad in the racing quests. It takes me a solid two minutes just to get to the Goblin with the kegs, even with pushing my poor ram all the way into the red and hitting both apple barrels.

People who want that six hundred ticket ram mount are going to need to be very lucky, persistent and have a better computer than I to get it.