How are you this fine evening? Good, good, glad to hear it. I’m one of the new contributers to this Metroblog, and I have a few confessions to make.
For my first confession: I’ve been a citizen of Azeroth since November, 2005. And I have yet to hit 60.
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Greetings citizens of Azeroth! I am very excited be a contributor to this site, and I hope that I do not disappoint. I have been an avid reader of this blog for many months now, and I am looking forward to sharing my experinces with this community.
Now that the introductions have been dispensed with, on to the real post.
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So, yeah, I’m the guy that complained about the lack of posts from a large number of authors. I’m also not a guy who will complain yet do nothing if the opportunity presents itself to do something, thus here I am.
I’ll try to be sociable with Aliance and Horde alike (unless I’m killing them..or getting killed by them).
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Planner: Soooo, y’alls know why we’re here, today. For the past few months, there’s been an … errrm … perception that Blizzard is favoring Horde over Alliance in its designs.
Dev 1: We do?
Dev 2: We do?
Planner: Yeah, well, I guess we kinda, sorta, did, a bit.
Dev 2: Hey, we gave Alliance an ezmode raid class. And we gave their Nelfs Shadowmeld…
Dev 1: … which we nerfed, a few weeks back…
Dev 2: Yeah, but we made their quests easier, as well. And when Solstice happened we smoked Horde in South Shore while giving Alliance a simple quest to pick up the bombs unflagged.
Planner: But they’re whining about Shamans. And Will of the Forsa…
Dev 1: Wait, we nerfed WotF to hell and back, too.
Dev 2: And Shamans? Who needs Shamans in raids? All they get to do is sit in Warsong and hope someone takes ’em into BWL on a pity mission.
Planner: But we, at Blizzard, have a solution.
Dev 1: We do?
Dev 2: Woot, first!
Dev 1: Shut up, we solved that issue with Hunters being useless in raids…
Dev 2: … by overpowering them in PvP. Yeah, that was genius.
Planner: Both of you shut up. So, here’s what we do. First, we’ll give Horde a cute, pretty, race.
Dev 1: You mean like … Nelfs?
Planner: Exactly. We’ll have to bend the lore a bit, but I think we can get Blood Elves into the Horde.
— Cue the sound of Lore screaming in agony —
Dev 1: And this is going to help us… how? Isn’t that giving a favor to Horde? I mean, their char models all DO look as if they’re afflicted with constant neck pain and a stiff spine.
Dev 2: Yeah! How’s taking Lore out back and shooting her going to help Alliance?
Planner: Waaaait for it, people. Waaaaait for it.
Dev 3: Hey guys, what did I miss?
Dev 1: Horde’s getting Blood Elves.
Dev 3: Sweet, I can be a Belf Warrior.
Planner: Not so hasty.
Dev 1: Hasty?
Planner: Here’s the sheer genius of our plan. We don’t give Belfs Warriors. We give ’em…. tadaaa…. Paladins and Hunters.
Dev 1: PALA… collapses on his chair
— Cue the sound of Lore whimpering her last breath —
Dev 2: NO WARR… collapses in his chair
Planner: Guys, guys, don’t you see the genius in this? Alliance wasn’t disadvantaged due to some racial or class imbalance. All the ten year old kids, morons, low lifes, forty year old unemployed DnD Dungeon Masters, the 500 pound chick that’s the Arts and Crafts overseer for her local SCA chapter, the guy who can’t leave his house because he has this overwhelming urge to flash women in the park… they all rolled Alliance. By giving Horde Boob Elves, preferably in a satin red thong when undressed, making it dance like a slut, we get two thirds of them into Horde. They’ll all re-roll. Add Hunters, and the Legolosers will re-roll. And by giving them Paladins we get the worst of three worlds – pukingly cute Legolancelots for the odd Defender of the Light moron who wants tits, ass, plate, holy spells, and nothing more than to get laid for the first time before he turns forty next week. And we’ll announce the Draenei to be Shamans for the Alliance. And Spaceships. By the time they lapped that up, Lore is already so dead we can just go ahead with our next step and make Onyxia neutral or friendly to Alliance. And we can give them Chainsaws and Laserguns and … everyting … no more lore to worry about. Isn’t that great?
Dev 1: That’s … evil.
Dev 2: Yes, evil. You’ll make Alliance the mature faction… wow.
Planner: Yes! Yes! Yes! We can destroy Horde in one fell swoop.
Dev 3: Out of curiosity, what are you playing?
Planner: Me? Oh, I am a Gnome Warrior.
Devs: A-Ha!
Why am I always the last one to know about these things? I had the stupidest Trinket organization bar thingy in DAB and all this time it was right there in front of me at Curse.
I have two simple requests. No, make that three.
1. Can someone please make a voice activated addon so I can just yell “CHARGE”, “HAMSTRING”, “REND” and “MORTAL STRIKE”, “on that lvl 60 rogue over by the tree”?
2. Can I get an advance copy before everyone else?
3. Can I have a cut of the millions because I thought of it?
C’mon geeks why don’t we have this yet? YELLING FTW!
How many of you have done this to get your pet chicken? Was I the last person to hear about this?
With Blizzard recently announcing the inclusion of Dranei shamans and Blood Elf paladins, the gulf between the Alliance and the Horde is now even greater. In a game balance sense, there is more parity between them, but I foresee an even deeper fracture between players. Faction loyalty is pretty rampant as it is, as I recently observed.
I wanted to explore the Horde content, so I made a shaman. How many people do the opposite, explore the Horde content so they can make a shaman?
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On an earlier post reader Michael Sullivan left a comment saying:
“You’d think with 12 authors, this blog wouldn’t go a day without at least one post.
Some of the authors haven’t posted in weeks.”
Weeks? Some of the authors haven’t posted EVER. That’s right, there are people who have access to this blog that have never made a single post. Well, I should say, had access. The thing to point out is that this isn’t anyone’s full time deal. The majority of the folks on here like WoW, play when they can, and write about it when they think they have something interesting to say. I read it more than I write on it, but like Michael I’d like to see more here myself. So we’re looking for some new folks to come hang out with us here at Metroblogging Azeroth. Do you play WoW and have something to say about it? You can sign up here, just choose “Azeroth” from the drop down menu. If you read this site you know what we do here already, we’d just like more of it. We’re not really into posts about new desktop art posted on Blizzards site, but if you want to talk about something that happened in an instance or how things work in your guild, we’re all ears. (UPDATE: We’ve got enough people for the moment, thanks!)
Our guild raids three nights a week and this week we managed for the first time to clear Molten Core & Onyxia in two days, so that left us all with a free evening … It was time for us to hit BlackWing Lair!
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