You know, I’d probably actually use this. Not like it’s not easy to order pizza online as is, but really? Now I wouldn’t even need to tab out to do it!

Image above (and the laughs it got out of me) courtesy of The Daily Blink!

Blizzard announced today that they would be adding a groundbreaking new feature to the World of Warcraft called the Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number, or E.P.E.E.N.! No need to fumble with silly add-ons anymore that help you determine who the best players or the people you should be spending your time in game with anymore! Now E.P.E.E.N. can do it all for you!

Not only will the game show you at all times what E.P.E.E.N. other players around you have, but the game will use phasing to make sure you don’t have to see or deal with players who don’t have E.P.E.E.N. in the same tier as you! You won’t be able to group with them, raid with them, or even see or speak to them, and that’s how it should be. Here’s what Blizzard had to say:

hat is best in life? Gear, plain and simple. As part of the upcoming stat-system revamp, we plan to introduce a new tool that will let World of Warcraft players know exactly where they stand in comparison to other players: the Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number.

With this new system, you’ll no longer have to wonder about your perceived or actual worth as a player. Your Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number, automatically derived from the quality of the gear you currently possess, will be placed on your character sheet and in the Armory, and also displayed over your character’s head in-game as an easy-to-read bar-like object that steadily grows as you acquire loot. Thanks to this new system, no one will be able to ignore the fruits of your long, hard journey toward gear perfection.

There are even rewards for growing your E.P.E.E.N. as well!

Those with sufficiently large numbers can earn in-game rewards such as a permanent bonus to “need” rolls, the ability to cut to the front of the queue in the Dungeon Finder, a larger ignore list, a much shorter dungeon deserter debuff, or — if your number is exceedingly impressive — a new non-combat pet, Binky the Mechano-Rooster.

As your number grows, the game world will tailor itself to you in other subtle ways: as the pool of players you interact with becomes more and more exclusive, you’ll no longer need to stand still in prominent locations quite so often to allow others to inspect your gear; you’ll have fewer time-wasting calendar invitations to sift through; and your friends list will become increasingly more manageable, reducing needless scrolling time. Any negative repercussions of these changes will be offset by the satisfaction you’ll receive knowing your equipment is significantly more impressive than average.

Thanks Blizzard! I’ll never need to deal with those people below me ever again!